miss you
hey baby,
just texting to say that was one hell of a kiss.
a wish, really. that you didn’t have to leave so soon.
i feel like a fool to swoon so fast, but i think you know this
was more than love-bombing, more than hope-rope climbing,
more than no nopes tonight-ing.
we were humming.
fingers crawling, dawdling, tightening.
lightning, blind and wanting.
so baby,
just checking in.
when will i see you again?
it’s been too long.
a hundred songs and still nothing.
i made you your favourite dish,
you know, the one with fish
and the aioli from where our date began,
that restaurant where you clawed at my pants,
made me look away and blush like a kid.
damn.
now i’m overdoing it.
it’s just,
i am so scared to blow this.
now i’m more crazy than owning it.
and it always has to be two ways of showing up.
all or nothing never enough.
i explode.
i show too much.
tremble when you moan like
it’s the end of the world
and i’m all you’ve got.
when you said
please don’t stop
and i couldn’t.
i still can’t…
thinking about you.
i bought you flowers.
they’re not doing so great now.
pale.
powerless.
like the makeup on your pillow,
soured yellow.
i think you blocked me.
and now i can’t unsee
what you may have seen
that made me unclean
enough to leave
without a hint.
oh.
it’s because i kept sending you poetry.
my bad.
that’s on me.
i still taste your cum in my mouth.
i treasure it like words that would never come out.
words that should never come out.
you do know what this is about, right?
i don’t explain my words.
that ruins the punch.
they hit harder when they rhyme,
when they carry the yards of yarn
i would walk just to belong
to something i hung
onto
when i met you
and got all romantic
and spent you
all night long.
we aimed for the moon
and missed
the idea of this.
the idea of this.
that is what words are.
ideas.
i never meant this.
i thought i belonged to you.
and now i am still
searching
for the sender
where i can return myself to
whatever it is i turned into
after i met you.
miss you.